Episode 45: Craving Touch Whilst Isolating

Touch is our first sense. It’s how we engage with and explore our world.

Touch is key to survival. We quickly pull away from something sharp or hot, but nestle in towards warmth and comfort.

Right now, we need to be retreating into our homes for the safety of ourselves and one another.

Human beings are social beings. Even if you’re a strong introvert like I am, we need human connection and contact.

Touch may be high up in your list of love languages (If you don’t already know about this, it’s a book by Gary Chapman where we each have an order of preference of ways we show and receive love. As well as touch, they are words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service and quality time.

Our love languages are often different from our loved ones and it’s an important part of communication to know about one another.

So for those who know that they need a lot of touch, it’s particularly challenging.

The Massage in Schools project many years ago showed increased concentration and less loneliness, stress, and bullying when pupils gave one another simple and clothed massage.

For babies, kangaroo care where they are worn in a sling or held helps their growth and cognition. And skin to skin between parents and their newborns helps to deepen bonding. I recommend that parents return to skin to skin as often as possible especially when they face bumpy times such as teething or sleep issues.

There’s a term that I’ve only come across recently called ‘skin hunger’, that describes the lack of touch that many people are experiencing.

We still need touch in our lives.

It’s part of our humanity.

Touch deprivation affects our health.

In whatever ways you can, try to connect with touch in your daily life. Here are some ideas:

Feed your skin with light skin brushing or when you’re applying shower gel. Consciously connect with each body part in a state of gratitude for what your body does for you each day.
Use thicker creams such as shea butter that need a little effort to work into the skin.
Stroke or gently brush your hair. Give yourself a scalp massage.
Apply essential oils to your pulse points. I’m going through a rose phrase, but cedarwood is grounding and lavender is calming.
When you’re washing your hands, do it with your full attention so you can stimulate the receptors on your palms and between your fingers
Treat your feet to your softest, fluffiest socks.
Wear fabrics such as merino wool, bamboo, silk, brushed cotton, or cashmere that feel sumptuous against the skin.
A weighted blanket helps to feel more grounded and safe.
If you’re isolating with loved ones, cuddle up as much as you can. Have a daily hug for more than 8 seconds to get the oxytocin, or hormone of connection, flowing.
For those that are caring for very young children and are maxed out on touch, submerge your body in a bath as often as you can, especially with the lights dimmed or even off to close the senses, like a homemade sensory deprivation chamber.
We need to avoid touching our faces when we are out and about for risk of infection, but with well-washed hands, give yourself a face massage. The top of the upper lip is a very soothing place to touch if you’re feeling anxious or unsettled, as are the ears.

I have an episode with an eminent researcher on oxytocin and touch coming out in a few weeks’ time. The new understanding is that oxytocin is not just the hormone of pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding, but it’s one that we need at all stages of our lives and for men and women and so touch is vital for us all.

We need positive touch to lower our stress hormone levels and help us to feel more connected and calm.

Our hands express what’s felt in the heart. So whilst we need to limit touch outside of the safety of home, we can connect by kneading bread, crafting, growing plants, and filling our senses with things that evoke us such as beautiful music, comedy, and poetry. In Pablo Neruda’s words, ‘Hands make the world each day’.