Episode 73: From Overcoming Cancer and Heart Failure, to Love and Unconventional Routes to Motherhood with Kreena Dhiman

“No one knows you better than you know yourself. And actually - in all of these things, even from the beginning of life, when you get diagnosed with an illness - you know your body. You know what's right and you know when something is going wrong.”

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Kreena overcame breast cancer and heart failure. She speaks openly and passionately about her experiences as a British Asian woman, cancer and heart failure survivor, and her experiences with IVF, donor conception and surrogacy. Kreena and her husband are now the proud parents of 4: a little girl and baby boy triplets. Kreena is an award-winning host of The Intended Parent podcast.

Kreena was 33 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer

Prior to her diagnosis, she was motivated by academic and economic success, as is the conditioning for many British Asian people
Kreena experienced acute heart failure 3 years after her breast cancer diagnosis, as a result of some of the chemotherapy treatment she was given
The trials of breast cancer and heart failure resulted in infertility
Knowing that she had wanted to be a mother, Kreena underwent IVF prior to chemotherapy
She became a mother to a little girl through surrogacy
Clinical errors meant that she had to explore donor conception in order to have a sibling for her daughter
When first diagnosed, she went through the feeling of “why me?”, acknowledging the cultural conditioning that places blame on past lives for current trials
She became interested in yoga, meditation and alternative practices to support conventional treatment
Kreena started campaigning for breast cancer awareness and received messages from people that had been inspired by her
“You can choose to grow from experiences”
It’s rare to talk about issues such as cancer and infertility in the South Asian community
Shame, taboos and stigma
It would help others if more women from diverse backgrounds shared their stories
The power of sharing, and discerning when to, and what to share publicly
“It doesn’t matter what the biology of the child is, because I know what it means to be a mum”
“There’s nothing shameful in asking for help”
Living life to its fullest without taking on the conditioning, expectations and burdens of others
Steering IVF prior to chemotherapy, with acute time pressures for “a back-up plan to motherhood”
The physical and drain on the body of IVF
“No one knows you better than you know yourself”
Tuning in to wisdom/ inner voice/ gut feeling that she would pull through from heart failure
“Go with your gut”
“You can’t control everything. I surrender much more now. I know which direction I want to sail this ship. I know where I want the water to carry me. Giving up the small things, but holding on to the big things”.
Listening to the heart’s desire
The difference between first generation immigrants’ dreams, desires and values and those of the second generation
Soul agreements before earthly form
Embryos as potential children, and the immense grief of losing them
Deciding to go through surrogacy in the UK rather than in India (at a time when it was legal), and wanting to be as close to the pregnancy as possible. Bonding with her surrogate and loving Ina and Laura. Love, respect and gratitude for the women who helped to make her a mother
In the UK, surrogacy is altruistic. “Children born through surrogacy are born through so much love”
“Infertility and surrogacy is not a dirty secret”
“Deciding to either sit in the dark or look for the stars”
“I had to decide not to let the difficulty consume me and look for the beauty in every situation”
The lessons that come with pain, and grace and gratitude for a fuller life
Resilience and resourcefulness from adversity
From chasing money to chasing happiness
“Cancer doesn’t end when remission begins. It doesn’t define me but it walks alongside me, reminding me about the fragility of life”.